Monday, October 17, 2011

HOW DO YOU FEEL...?? (PART III)

Salam hi all,

*WARNING:this is a very whiny+long entry..if dont like it,dont read it.thank you ;)


Last monday has been nice to me, but today monday sucks.. ngantuk+lesu+xde mood. Dalaman ni pun mcm xstabil jer..hati rasa mellow n x bersemangat..huhu. xtau naper, im trying banish this feeling but degil lah..huhu.. i ni jenis yg pendam n makan dalam..maybe i shud luahkan?

I may seem cool+chill outside, but dalam hati berkaca (bak kata amy). .I nak express my mellow feelings here wif all my reader and frens.. but i dunno how.. ikutkan boleh je ngan meowgagah but i xnak dia stress n involve sgt wif my so-called probs.. (probs ker?). i also have my BBF frens n u all (yg tgh baca my blog ni) but segan la jugak nak luahkan.. Shud i?

So far within these few months i amalkan stress-free mode. I mean watever things yg buat i upset ke, sedey ke, i akan control my feelings and ignore it.. "chill babe, chill.." kata monolog dalamanku. Even the scary stories i received from brides (HERE), i try to chill myself and pujuk diri sendri not to over-think about it..im trying to stay positive because i TRUST MY INSTINCT and THE VENDORS  i hired.. "positive renee, stay positive.." berkata monolog dalamanku lagi..

but recently, i senang nak breakdown over small things.. breakdown sorang2 je dalam sambil bilik tutup muka ngan bantal and hug my teddycat T_T which bila pikir balik, wat the hell renee? yg pelik bukannye about the vendors i hired ke ape... hmmmm camne nak explain huh?? Please share with me what do you think about the things that made me mellow today...


how do u feel when u are sharing ur ideas or opinion to the particular person.. and when the person doesn't get it or didnt understand, the person nak melenting or upset for nothing.. even da ckp elok2...

how do u feel when u are discussing something important, and the person was concentrating on something else, tiba2 pening kepala la, ape la, ape la.. wow i just dont know how to explain that feeling inside..it feels like kena stab or smashed with a sledgehammer..


how do u feel when someone important in your family seems to not care about ur wedding preps?dah nak 3months lagi baru nak tanya this and that, nak carik this and that (i had almost 1year to prepare). bila da update xfollow up langsung n macam xkisah sgt..

how do u feel when dat person (from line 3) does this "eh nape nak pegi tgk pelamin reception lelaki? eh mana boleh join future in-laws buat preps?eh nape pegi carik baju untuk reception lelaki seharian? eh mana ada org berinai sebelum nikah,buat selepas nikah".. And when i nicely explain this is how people nowadays buat and in-laws yg ajak (how can i say no?).. it is UNACCEPTABLE..so far from wat i heard u have no issues with the future in-laws...but why? T_T

how do u feel when dat person (again) seems like xpuas hati when i spend time preparing for reception lelaki wif future in-laws when dat person tu pun xpernah nak spend time (even beli kain or tempah caterer) for belah reception perempuan's preps?sumer kene sendri je.. nak kata jealous mungkin, but u urself yg taknak pegi or suggest orang lain to teman when it comes to wed preps..pelik.

how do u feel when a person in ur family seems to feel tergugat bila i balik from work and share wedding plans/stories with another person, pastu bawak diri n says.. "hmmm im not wanted here...". u have got the ALL THE ATTENTION ALL YOUR LIFE ok. it's as if i am stealing the other person's attention from her..c'mon laa..? please give me a chance cos it's my BIG day..yours da lepas ok..

how do u feel when u visit a boutique, and ask them about the beautiful baju for the size..and trus the boutique owner/sales assistant buat muka TAHI (pandang atas-bawah) and says "oohh kite buat yg kecik2 je.." OR says sumer baju ikut size patung with expression muka TAHI. mcm kita yg gemuk ni HINA sgt.. "ooOoo patung tu nak kawin kot..." berkata monolog dalamanku.. where's the courtesy? u can always say "sorry xde kak".. that's already enuf for me.

how do u feel when u are offered to use that 'something/someplace' (more than 5months ago), and then now when we double confirm about it the person says "ehhh mane adee...main2 aje". the fuck

how do u feel when a person wants to add on something on ur reception, and approved by the financier.. and u have made alllll the surveys and checked for the best rates.. and when u found the right one and presented to them, they said the same thing ->"ehhh mane adee...main2 aje" T_T

how do u feel when u organized a small meeting..and people seem to not care and kalau boleh nak habis cepat. and ada sorang-dua buat muka2 and tak nak take part..pastu buat blur2 task yg patut dorang handle. padahal dia la yg push suh pegi kursus kawen la, suh settle blabla la, suh jumpa tok kadi la.. T_T

how do u feel when people start kep on asking again and again, when's ur nikah date?when's ur reception? nikah pagi kan? reception kat mana? hello, awal2 lagi da meeting and bagi CHECKLIST with COMPLETE DETAIL for u to remember becos u are part of the family. bukan org2 kat jalanan tu.. dont u think it gives me the impression that u dont even care about my wedding? buat apa meeting awal2 dulu..? 
hnnnnggggggkkkttttttttttt..somebody please kill me.. T_T



Hurmmm.. see? small things jer kan.. and YES these small things ni lah do hurt me and made me sad.. i tried to imagine myself in their shoes, maybe bz ke, maybe nak focus benda lain ke, mayb nak settle blabla ke.. but it didnt help, i cant help it, feeling tu masih ada..maybe bcos it's from the people close to you? nak forgive and forget pun susahhh sgt. But then again, i have to be rational and have to be thankful that my situation is not as bad as some people. setiap org lain2 dugaan nye.. i always push myself to think positive and stress-free.. i dunno lah, i just hope i wont loose my mind over this.
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Yesterday i was out the whole day and i received a phone call time nak balik around 10pm. I accidentally cried after hanging up the phone and tried hard control it (sakit woo). Have u ever tahan menangis, cuba tutup idung, tahan nafas supaya xberbunyi, and tears running like hell.. but i pandang tepi je, xwipe tears pun sbb nanti mcm nampak sgt kan, pastu buat2 tunduk buka bag n cepat2 wipe the tears.. and FYI i was in the car with my fiance, FMIL, FSIL and her hubby..which makes things worse T_T Oh segannnyaaaa... Oh i duno how to face them after this.. :(


meowluv~

23 comments:

plain jane said...

hai renee,
jgn sedih2 okeh... i faham perasaan tu. lepas dah luahkan kat sini maybe rasa lega sikit kan....? sbb kita B2B ni memang nak kena luah sesama kita, sbb org yg menghadapi perkara yg sama je boleh faham apa yg kita rasa...
anyway semoga wedding preparation berjalan dgn lancar....
Y(^___^)Y

PussyCat said...

renee:relax..juz let it be kay..dun be too emotionally down..juz go woth the flow..some relatives mmg mcm tu..u juz b patience do whatever u and ur parents agreed.. :)

LisaLisut said...

awww renee...tumpang sedih i bc luahan hati u..sabar k.slow2.nt dh nk dkt mana tau diorg br nk sedar n bukak mata n time br gelabah nk tolong etc.. wish u all d best k! :) hugs!

Rilla said...

MAcam mana nak pronounce "hnnnnggggggkkkttttttttttt"

Oh, lame attempt to make you smile, I know. But I wanted to try. Normal lah tu dear. Be strong ok. Besides, kitorang ada kat sini.

Anonymous said...

hai dear,

wlau i bkn B2B,tp apa yg u ckp sbnrnya bkn pkara kecik..apa yg u lalui sbnrnya,dlm khidupan sbnr pun tjadi..x semestinya bkaitan wed preps.

i pernah simpan sume benda dan xcite apa2..smpai 1 masa, i ckp sorg2 dpn cermin,nangis stiap masa.bila da biasa jga ati org,i luah sume benda mcm lava gunung berapi.

bg i, lebih baik u kongsi dgn Mr.Meow gagah u sbb dia bakal jdk soulmate u.mesti laluinya bsama2 u.
sorry sbb komen panjang2..ni sume skadar bkongsi pngalaman i je..

Berry Bee said...

renee meow2...xmo sedey2 k!
mmg byk dugaan nk ke hari penting 2...
dr keluarga,kawan2...
tp plg skit dr kluarga la...
i pown skang dlm proses 2,n bru jerk lepas nangis2...exactly afta fam meeting...

hurmm....be strong k meow!

amy fahmi said...

renee



*hugs


i pernah rasa macam tu. kadang tu rasa macam tak dihargai. macam kite bersemangat fikir itu ini tapi org lain buat tak tau.
be strong k. in the end, what u want only a memorable nikah day, hubungan yg sah. perjalanan nk menuju hari bahagia ni mmg agak mencabar, tapi hasilnya manis. (a reminder for me too).

be happy darl. :)

Cik NeyNa said...

how do u feel when u are offered to use that 'something/someplace' (more than 5months ago), and then now when we double confirm about it the person says "ehhh mane adee...main2 aje". the fuck



--experienced this..tapi orang tu tak cakap macam tu..dia just wat diam jer..then bila kita dah gegeh tanya..dia cakap bz lah bagai..hmmm..there goes my pre wed session..so in 30 days..me still dobt have pixfor banner and so ever..cik neyna siler jangan berharap pada orang..haishhh

Rina Hamid said...

xmo sedeh2 dear...dah nak kawen ni mmg macam2 dugaan yer...sabar tau :)

Sfarlina said...

Tuhan sentiasa bersama org yg bersbr renee. Sabar ok dear :)

FARAH YASMIN said...

Hye Renee,

byk2 bersabar..insyaAllah ada hikmah..all the best for ur wedding prep and all the best =)

Miss Shikin said...

hello renee...omg i rsa nak nangis baca entry ni,i feel the same way too kadang2...ade jgk yg berkait dgn family matters mcm x puas hati with all the things yg kite prepare but no worries perasaan tu akan berlalu sementara u r waiting for ur day my dear. sabar byk2. Tuhan tlong org yg sabar lebih. :)

cik nurulain said...

renee.

nak kata i fhm mcm x fair. tapi nak kata x fhm mcm x logik. rs nya smua mesti face probs dgn family. mmg ssh nak elak sbb sbenarnya wedding adalah event bsr dlm kluarga. mmg x boleh elak ada org ignorance mcm tu.

part family tu i tanak komen sgt. tp part org yg pndg u ats bwh tu, apesal lak weih? serious shit ntah2 dia cuma assistant je. come on lah. lame gila zmn skang org diskriminasi thdp bntuk bdn ni. mcm lah u takde duit utk tempah baju baru. hello, zmn skang asal ada duit je smua jalan.

kalau i jd u, mesti i dh bg minah/mamat tu sedas dua. sedap mulut je nk kutuk org. eh eh, i lak yg emo lebih. cheer up k dear. lantakkan org tu. u know u're bttr than that. chaiyok!

♥♥♥Farrah Anuar♥♥♥ said...

Renee sayang.

Jangan sedih2 yer.. mungkin ini dugaan utk orang2 macam kita (B2b). Kadang time ni lah apa jua yg kita buat pada pandangan mereka xelok,salah,buruk dll. Padahal kita yg usaha sendiri nak lakukan yg terbaik utk orang yg tersayang/sekiling. Ada saja yg salahnya. Nak cakap kita terlalu sensitive pon tidak, sebab kita juga ada hak utk rasa diberi perhatian, lagi2 utk hari bahagia kita kan..Cukup lah hanya bertanya kan "How's preps? apa boleh dibantu cakap ya" cukup lah kan,itu pon dah boleh tarik nafas lega. Lega sbab ada orang yg sedia membantu utk hari bahagia kita..

Renee sabar yer, kuat kan semangat! yg penting ingat! ini semua untuk hari bahagia u, hari menyambut permulaan kehidupan u bersama bakal suami.

Now tarik nafas dalam2.. n fikir. Aku akan tunjukkan yg aku ni kuat, bukan lemah macam yg 'orang2' lain sangkakan. & that time 'orang2' juga ni akan buka mata seluas-seluasnya dan bukanlah orang yg duduk dalam kepompongnya sendiri.

*hugsss*

LaRa KimuRa said...

sabar babe...i pon penah rase camtuh,last2 i cakap kt diri i lantak la klu dieorg tanak amik tau,bia sume buat sendiri, sape komplain byk, sembur je balik...dugaan org nak kawen cmni la...

*Dream Weaver* said...

*hugs*
hope you feel better soon dear.
i have something to cheer you up :)
email me your address so i can hantar you something cute. my email address is j2kc19@yahoo.com

AliahLattif said...

salam :)
hai sis, byk kan bersabar lah ye.
nak buat macam mana , manusia memang takkan pernah puas hati walau apa pun yg kita buat.
banyakkan bersabar ye.
all the best for your wedding prep.
XOXO

Lady of His Heart said...

i faham sangat perasaan in the 1st 2 lines tu.
I've been in that situation... Ya Allah, memang sakit kan!!!!

Sabar ye Renee..Insya Allah things will be alrite....

Anonymous said...

hye renee, this is the typical moron thing u have to deal sblm wedding..i do/did feel/felt stress everysingle day, eventhough my wed lambat lagi..just relax..bukan dorg yang nak kawen, kita yang nak kawen..i already tagged those moron thing as "dugaan ciput"..let it be..don't stress, just feel bless, cuma klu ada opinion yang make sense for ur wedding/future life, just rethink about it, but don't TOOO think about it..

Miss Reena said...

Kak marinee..hang in there ok. I know u can get through this!!! Need anything,just call. mwahh!

Cik Zimie said...

renee my twins, i rasa macam nak sedih baca u punya entry ni :'[

sabar byk2 k renee.tu semua dugaan kecil.u tau tak lepas kahwin lagi banyak dugaan?its ok kdg2 kita emosi coz maybe hormon tak stabil or somthing.just dont over think about it ok.i pun pernah je hadapi camni.tapi i BUAT BODO je.malas nak fikir coz nanti i yang sakit jiwa.

be strong dear.sikit je lagi.lepas majlis mesti lega nanti.insyaAllah pray for u as well.*hugssssss*

neeza the gojes said...

renee : Hey, i suke bace belog u :)) dlu silent now tak :P
By the way, sedih bile i bace luahan hati u tu, i wish u always strong and also tabah. JGN fragile sgt! I know, so much stress and probs that we as b2b kena tempuhi. But, Yg penting, sokongan dri yg tersayang, kawan-kawan tak lupe jgn lupa berdoa pada-Nya.

Keep up update this blog ok.
Waitting for your next update :))


Taa...

Cik Hazz said...

Reneee dearieee~~ just read ur entry ni. HUGS again!! hope by now you dah feel better lepas dah meluahkan. Sabar k.. memang during wedd preps ni hati kita sensitipp sangat. mungkin pembawakan mode Bridezilla kot. nangis jer, xpa. and share with ur future hubby. ;-)
i blh lah paham sikit2 kot sebb my family pun tak perfect. huhu. but dari mula i mmg tak berharap apa2 pada sesiapa. try to settle everything sendiri utk mengelakkan benda2 mcm nilah. anyway, don't think too much k! ;-))