HOW DO YOU FEEL...?? (PART III)

Salam hi all,

*WARNING:this is a very whiny+long entry..if dont like it,dont read it.thank you ;)


Last monday has been nice to me, but today monday sucks.. ngantuk+lesu+xde mood. Dalaman ni pun mcm xstabil jer..hati rasa mellow n x bersemangat..huhu. xtau naper, im trying banish this feeling but degil lah..huhu.. i ni jenis yg pendam n makan dalam..maybe i shud luahkan?

I may seem cool+chill outside, but dalam hati berkaca (bak kata amy). .I nak express my mellow feelings here wif all my reader and frens.. but i dunno how.. ikutkan boleh je ngan meowgagah but i xnak dia stress n involve sgt wif my so-called probs.. (probs ker?). i also have my BBF frens n u all (yg tgh baca my blog ni) but segan la jugak nak luahkan.. Shud i?

So far within these few months i amalkan stress-free mode. I mean watever things yg buat i upset ke, sedey ke, i akan control my feelings and ignore it.. "chill babe, chill.." kata monolog dalamanku. Even the scary stories i received from brides (HERE), i try to chill myself and pujuk diri sendri not to over-think about it..im trying to stay positive because i TRUST MY INSTINCT and THE VENDORS  i hired.. "positive renee, stay positive.." berkata monolog dalamanku lagi..

but recently, i senang nak breakdown over small things.. breakdown sorang2 je dalam sambil bilik tutup muka ngan bantal and hug my teddycat T_T which bila pikir balik, wat the hell renee? yg pelik bukannye about the vendors i hired ke ape... hmmmm camne nak explain huh?? Please share with me what do you think about the things that made me mellow today...


how do u feel when u are sharing ur ideas or opinion to the particular person.. and when the person doesn't get it or didnt understand, the person nak melenting or upset for nothing.. even da ckp elok2...

how do u feel when u are discussing something important, and the person was concentrating on something else, tiba2 pening kepala la, ape la, ape la.. wow i just dont know how to explain that feeling inside..it feels like kena stab or smashed with a sledgehammer..


how do u feel when someone important in your family seems to not care about ur wedding preps?dah nak 3months lagi baru nak tanya this and that, nak carik this and that (i had almost 1year to prepare). bila da update xfollow up langsung n macam xkisah sgt..

how do u feel when dat person (from line 3) does this "eh nape nak pegi tgk pelamin reception lelaki? eh mana boleh join future in-laws buat preps?eh nape pegi carik baju untuk reception lelaki seharian? eh mana ada org berinai sebelum nikah,buat selepas nikah".. And when i nicely explain this is how people nowadays buat and in-laws yg ajak (how can i say no?).. it is UNACCEPTABLE..so far from wat i heard u have no issues with the future in-laws...but why? T_T

how do u feel when dat person (again) seems like xpuas hati when i spend time preparing for reception lelaki wif future in-laws when dat person tu pun xpernah nak spend time (even beli kain or tempah caterer) for belah reception perempuan's preps?sumer kene sendri je.. nak kata jealous mungkin, but u urself yg taknak pegi or suggest orang lain to teman when it comes to wed preps..pelik.

how do u feel when a person in ur family seems to feel tergugat bila i balik from work and share wedding plans/stories with another person, pastu bawak diri n says.. "hmmm im not wanted here...". u have got the ALL THE ATTENTION ALL YOUR LIFE ok. it's as if i am stealing the other person's attention from her..c'mon laa..? please give me a chance cos it's my BIG day..yours da lepas ok..

how do u feel when u visit a boutique, and ask them about the beautiful baju for the size..and trus the boutique owner/sales assistant buat muka TAHI (pandang atas-bawah) and says "oohh kite buat yg kecik2 je.." OR says sumer baju ikut size patung with expression muka TAHI. mcm kita yg gemuk ni HINA sgt.. "ooOoo patung tu nak kawin kot..." berkata monolog dalamanku.. where's the courtesy? u can always say "sorry xde kak".. that's already enuf for me.

how do u feel when u are offered to use that 'something/someplace' (more than 5months ago), and then now when we double confirm about it the person says "ehhh mane adee...main2 aje". the fuck

how do u feel when a person wants to add on something on ur reception, and approved by the financier.. and u have made alllll the surveys and checked for the best rates.. and when u found the right one and presented to them, they said the same thing ->"ehhh mane adee...main2 aje" T_T

how do u feel when u organized a small meeting..and people seem to not care and kalau boleh nak habis cepat. and ada sorang-dua buat muka2 and tak nak take part..pastu buat blur2 task yg patut dorang handle. padahal dia la yg push suh pegi kursus kawen la, suh settle blabla la, suh jumpa tok kadi la.. T_T

how do u feel when people start kep on asking again and again, when's ur nikah date?when's ur reception? nikah pagi kan? reception kat mana? hello, awal2 lagi da meeting and bagi CHECKLIST with COMPLETE DETAIL for u to remember becos u are part of the family. bukan org2 kat jalanan tu.. dont u think it gives me the impression that u dont even care about my wedding? buat apa meeting awal2 dulu..? 

hnnnnggggggkkkttttttttttt..somebody please kill me.. T_T

Hurmmm.. see? small things jer kan.. and YES these small things ni lah do hurt me and made me sad.. i tried to imagine myself in their shoes, maybe bz ke, maybe nak focus benda lain ke, mayb nak settle blabla ke.. but it didnt help, i cant help it, feeling tu masih ada..maybe bcos it's from the people close to you? nak forgive and forget pun susahhh sgt. But then again, i have to be rational and have to be thankful that my situation is not as bad as some people. setiap org lain2 dugaan nye.. i always push myself to think positive and stress-free.. i dunno lah, i just hope i wont loose my mind over this.

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Yesterday i was out the whole day and i received a phone call time nak balik around 10pm. I accidentally cried after hanging up the phone and tried hard control it (sakit woo). Have u ever tahan menangis, cuba tutup idung, tahan nafas supaya xberbunyi, and tears running like hell.. but i pandang tepi je, xwipe tears pun sbb nanti mcm nampak sgt kan, pastu buat2 tunduk buka bag n cepat2 wipe the tears.. and FYI i was in the car with my fiance, FMIL, FSIL and her hubby..which makes things worse T_T Oh segannnyaaaa... Oh i duno how to face them after this.. :(


meowluv~